Since my first post, it's been quite an adventure going into adulthood. My second post upon my return will be about heartbreak. This summer has been quite a whirlwind for a lot of my friends - relationships have ended and tears have been shed. Seeing things from another side of a breakup has given me a different perspective on the healing process.

Anyone of my friends can tell you that I was in a fairly bumpy relationship for the last four years.  It was really hard for me to let go of my relationship. We had issues that I would've loved to conquer and work through, but it just wasn't possible. Our relationship ended in a mess of sorts. We still talked, hooked up once in awhile, and did other scandalous things. It took me about a year and a half to finally be at this stage; I can finally talk about the relationship and look back without any animosity towards my ex.

AFTER THE BREAK UP:

I was broken. Emotional pain manifested into physical pain. My heart felt like it was cracking every time it beat. I beat myself up, my confidence went down the drain and I became a version of me that I didn't want to be. It was something I never experienced before. The scariest part was not being sure if I could be myself again. I tied my happiness to someone else. I was scared I could never be that happy, positive and confident girl I use to be with him. I was constantly questioning my own worth. It made me go crazy. I was constantly wondering if he moved on with someone else, questioning why he didn't love me anymore.It didn't help that  I continued to talk to my ex after the breakup.  I was in a loop of unhappiness trying to hold on.

THE HOOK UP:

This is one of my biggest regrets after the breakup. I maintained a sexual relationship with my ex, not once, not twice, but several times. THIS IS THE WORST THING ANYONE CAN DO AFTER A BREAKUP. I had to emphasize this point! I couldn't keep my pants zipped and my legs closed. This part of the break up only made me feel worse about myself. It kept me invested emotionally. I couldn't let myself move on knowing that we still had something.

THE REALIZATION:

It wasn't until this year where I was finally able to let go. I have to admit, it took me being a bystander of someone else's break up to reevaluate what I was doing to myself. I was giving my friends advice that I wasn't using. It really hit me, I was stronger than I have been acting.

One of the cliches that proved true is that time really heals all wounds.  As time went on, I felt better and it hurt less.  You start to see that time is precious. Of course, everyone should take the time they need to get over a breakup. But, time doesn't move at your pace, it moves at its own pace. If you don't start to catch up, you'll be stuck forever.

I didn't need him to be happy anymore. I took a step back and looked at the reasons I had to be happy. You should think about your own accomplishments, about the friends and family you have around you. I turned my negativity into positive outlets, this really helped. Even if I was faking happy in the beginning, I became happier in the end.

Another thing I had to get through in my head was that he was a part of my life, not my whole life. There are so many other moments you have to live for. There are experiences out there that need to be lived and a lifetime of happiness ahead. My world revolves around me now, not someone else.

THE END. . . a bag of potato chips is definitely well deserved.